I drove for maybe 9 1/2 hours today, AND I’M STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING TEXAS.

Look, normally, I don’t like shitting on other states, but I have a trump card here: I’m FROM Texas. I was born just outside Houston, Texas. I may have spent my formative years in Washington, but beating within my chest is the heart of an angry Texan, and I’ll talk just as much as shit about this state as I want to. And West Texas is easily the worst part of it:

• Horribly kept roads, despite a huge amount of road construction, which added maybe an extra 50 miles to my journey
• 93 degrees, and dust covering everything
• All the rest stops have closed bathrooms
• The only scenery is the roadkill, which is everywhere because apparently they don’t pick it up? I lost count around thirty-six dead animals

About halfway through, I stopped for gas, and next door to the gas station was a drive-through liquor store, which is really the pinnacle of human achievement. I decided to pop on to pick up some whiskey, and upon going in saw that a) nobody was wearing a mask, and b) they were having a FUCKING WHISKEY TASTING.

The highlight of the day was a ‘scenic turnout’ which I took, and was greeted with this view:

There was, however, some graffiti on the ground:

You and me both.

I’m finally in Austin Texas, and my neighbors are playing some weird dubstep turned up super loud, and I already know this is not going to end well for one of us.