Presented as a Series of Vignettes featuring the dogs of Chance and Meaghan.

RUKIA: Well, here we are now with this friendly human who is our new master now. Shall we sleep?
KIBA: Wait I have here a delicious piece of plastic ribbed for pleasure. I shall eat it.

*loud crunching*

KIBA: This LEGO does not taste good.
Me: fishing LEGO out of Kiba’s mouth

*Offstage, the sound of a door opens in what is ostensibly Cameron‘s room*

KIBA: HOLY FUCKING SHIT INTRUDER
RUKIA: GET SOME MOTHERFUCKERS

They sprint offstage, and return a few minutes later.

KIBA: Turns out it was just Cameron.
RUKIA: Five straight times, who would have thought?

———————

KIBA: The time has come to assassinate the friendly human. Behold, I will stand directly behind him when he is cooking and hold completely still, and then when he steps backward he will trip and fall.
RUKIA: This plan cannot fail.

(Later)

RUKIA: The friendly human is surprisingly adept at remaining on his feet, despite the fact you keep tripping him and that his cup runneth over with vodka.
KIBA: The next time he descends the stairs, perhaps I will go between his legs and you hit him from the side, and we shall knock him down the stairs to his demise.
RUKIA: This plan cannot fail.

(Later)

KIBA: The plan failed, and the friendly human seems displeased.
RUKIA: More importantly, why do we both now smell like Mike’s Harder Cranberry lemonade?

———————-

KIBA: We have failed to kill the friendly human. Goodbye, sweet Rukia. I must maintain my honor.
RUKIA: Don’t do it Kiba!
KIBA: The friendly human is slicing onions. It is only a matter of time before one hits the floor.

*a giant slice of onion is dropped onto the stage from the clouds*

KIBA: WITNESS ME!!!!!!!

*a struggle ensues with the friendly human fishing the onion from Kiba’s mouth*

(Later)

RUKIA: Well, now we’re in our crates while the friendly human finishes cooking dinner.

————————-

RUKIA: KIBA GET YOUR ASS IN HERE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT
KIBA: WHAT?!
RUKIA: Taste this bookshelf, right here?
KIBA: HOLY SHIT THIS IS INCREDIBLE WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
RUKIA: DID GORDON RAMSAY MAKE THIS BOOKSHELF OR WHAT?
Me: …..why are you licking my bookshelves?
RUKIA: I REGRET NOTHING.